- Let’s have a chat!
- Show me something!
-
This fucking wrecked me.
(via alastors-bambi)
-
Tumblr is the place where I can post whatever I want and be a little more personal.
That said, a mosquito bit my butt at some point today and I’m UPSET ABOUT IT
The mosquito saw the booty and knew what it had to do.
I DIDNT KNOW THEY ATE CAKE
these things happen when you have your whole ass out for the bitings. no man or bug can resist the cake.
I’ll be honest I was going to debate that I didn’t but…. It could have been at any time and I don’t wear clothes all the time. Damn. 😂
(via alastors-bambi)
-
A person like this… should not have a platform, nor sponsors or followers.
I am enraged and feeling deeply hurt for Huxley. I want to know where he is right now, who with and how he’s doing.
The shock and stress of this whole situation for him, that poor baby boy. He didn’t deserve this.
(via alastors-bambi)
-
Can’t believe I’ve been friendzoned by a skeleton
i need more context on this
(via circlesaidd)
-
Hey! Your lower right ribs
Hand em over
(via martvota)
-
I think it was before I started posting story concepts on tumblr but I had an old concept called ‘apocalyptia’ which was a dark comedy about a world where every apocalypse movie premise happened simultaneously
The big joke was that all these HUGE disasters cancelled each other out. A bunch of shit flooding kept the zombies contained. The super intelligent apes stopped global warming. The leather-clad motorcycle murder gangs intimidate the alien invaders.
Everything sucks in like 8 overlapping ways but it’s just become the norm at this point. There’s a guy named Cannibal Jack that people trust to cook for them for some reason.
The main character is a recluse with a shotgun who just wants to sit in her shack and give cynical advice to passing young people, but unfortunately, her younger brother and only surviving family member is a conman with his fingers in every stupid decision being made within a ten mile radius
The brother’s name is Sal, which is short for SOMETHING but he changes his answer every time. He seems to think this qualifies as an alias, and bizarrely, it usually works. Notable ‘definitely Sal’s real name’ options include Salt, Salmon, Salamander, and Salad.
His sister’s name is Marian, occasionally called Misery Marian. It is a running joke that young characters think this is a reference to her bad attitude, but anyone who actually CALLS her that is clearly terrified of her for some unspecified reason.
Sal’s got an on-again off-again business partner by the name of Kent Bardsley, who is just…. SO irresponsibly horny. Sal’s motivation is money, but Kent’s is sex. He keeps getting run out of town for sleeping with important people’s wives. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a conman like Sal, he just helps him with his schemes as an in to towns so he can visit his assortment of fuckbuddies.
The joke of Kent’s character is that the ‘apocalypse’ he’s part of is conservative scaremongering about sexual freedom destroying society. He gets a last name because while Sal calls him Kenny, Marian calls him ‘Bardsley’ with deep contempt.
The fuck types of our characters so far:
Marian: fuck off
Sal: fuck you, pay me
Kent: fuck me
Cannibal Jack: what the fuck
There’s an alien named Glipix who is investigating why the invasion failed and her analysis tends to boil down to ‘damn bitch you really live like this?’
Kent is really into her but his flirting goes right over her head. Marian’s the only one she respects anyways.
Kent: Hey, you looking to get those eggs fertilized, beautiful?
Glipix: What pollinators are operating on this horrible planet? Did you see one? I need to speak with them if you did.
Kent: uh
I have a mental image for a TV opening where it’s Marian at like. 12. watching some apocalypse happen through a window and saying “The world ended when I was a girl…” in a really serious tone, and then it pans out to show like 6 other apocalypses happening and her voice turns sarcastic and she says “about thirty fucking times, actually.”
Alright here’s more content for you guys:
—Marian is 46 and spent her 20s and early 30s as a mad max style motorcycle gang member. ‘Misery Marian’ was her moniker while she was LEADING one of these gangs.
—Sal and Kent are somehow unaware of this.
—Sal’s apocalypse is capitalism. Also Godzilla.
—I’m not kidding about that, Sal and Marian’s parents were killed by a giant dinosaur that still sometimes shows up to bother Sal.
i’m in love with this
Please for the love of god write this book so i can do fanfiction of the characters in already in love with
THIS POST. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST
-
Gaster: Okay, you can remember nothing up to the accident. Can you remember anything about the accident itself?
Memory loss! Y/n: Okay Mr. Melting monster man. I…can only remember being in an ambulance.
Gaster: Ah. Well we didn’t get an ambulance. We drove you.
Y/n: Really? I swear I can remember a siren.
Gaster: Oh yes that was Papyrus.
Papyrus: I WAS NERVOUS!
-
this is mad funny lmaooo
Not with that attitude you can’t
Listen, this might sound funny at first, but consider:
Without enough lube (natural or artificial), you WILL end up chafed. It hurts, it burns, and it can cause infection.
Even with enough lube, mucking about in your naughty bits too much–you know, the kind of thing you have to do for several hours a day if you’re a cam girl–can cause yeast infections and UTIs. UTIs can cause scarring that can cause intercourse (and masturbation) to become painful.
The kind of extreme, prolonged sexual intercourse that porn is known for can cause both rectal and vaginal prolapse, which is when your rectum or vagina literally falls out of your body due to being put under too much stress.
Also, um. I’m just saying, doing the same motion with your wrists over and over without breaks, the way you’d have to do with a dildo, can cause carpal tunnel syndrome. There’s a similar condition called tennis elbow that can also occur.
These women are going to suffer work-related injuries because of this. Some of those injuries will require surgery. And while sex-related prolapse is pretty rare, it does have a higher incidence among sex workers, and higher still among overworked sex workers.So no, this cam girl is absolutely right. She cannot safely and effectively do her job for hours a day, every day, and the injury she suffers as a result could impair her ability to enjoy sex or, possibly, even kill her.
What needs to be happening right now is that cam girls and other sex workers need to have unemployment and/or some kind of stimulus funds available to them, just like people in any other job, so they can work safely without worrying about going hungry.DESTIGMATIZE SEX WORK. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SEX WORKERS AND THE RIGHTS THEY SHOULD HAVE.
you can get vaginal prolapse???? Why did no one ever teach me anything about my body im
Yep. It’s one of the reasons the Quiverfull movement is so dangerous. Women are literally encouraged to give birth until their reproductive organs can’t take it anymore.
This is where we remind our local sex workers that they should (in the US) join the IWW under Department 600: Human Services, Industrial Union #690. (That number is not a joke, for the record.)
It won’t guarantee any immediate changes of the way you’re treated, but you’ll have more support and more people to connect with to help improve things!
I will reblog this just cause this is some serious info
(via alastors-bambi)
-
you’ve heard of the kfc gang now get ready for
-
FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.
what was yesterday, cat?
I’m not missing it this year.
WE WILL NOT MISS IT
(via aloofships)
sensible
18 ● gender is michael jackson ● pronouns are hee and hee ● 18+ blog only
